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Non​/​fiction

by Andrew Zender

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1.
Banjo 00:28
2.
I was halfway out the door On the day my brother called Wrapped my hands in a rosary Sang the sacred poetry Cities under passing skies Magazines to pass the time Counting flashes on the wings In slow motion velocity A little time to repent As the lightning came and went Sunday morning came to life And fell asleep in her eyes Borrowed boots headed west Charcoal heart in my chest Left that little hillside town With a ghost in the ground
3.
Granby 04:40
There’s a fire on the way Rising higher from the lake In the valley to the peak And sacred spaces in between Written on the pages In the books kept inside Stories for the ages We couldn’t leave behind Waiting for salvation To fall from the sky Pray for rain or a flood Haven’t we had enough? Wind and fire ravaged earth Through the water it will return Written on the pages In the books kept inside Stories for the ages We couldn’t leave behind Waiting for salvation To fall from the sky Smoke rises from the snow Where the pines used to grow Sun and shadows run and play Around the boulder where he lay Written on the pages In the books kept inside Stories for the ages We couldn’t leave behind Waiting for salvation To fall from the sky
4.
Reflections 04:24
Runnin’ wild for 100 days Tryin’ hard not to break Countin’ up all my mistakes Wonderin’ if I can change Lookin’ at myself today A little more hair turned grey Movin’ in to share some space With the lines on my face Are these reflections Really the best of what I can see? Too many questions Need some direction I just can’t follow me Keeping demons at arm’s length I won’t play the devil’s games Father please grant me grace Shield my feet from the flame All the time that I waste I’ve been fighting to erase Searching for my hidden strength To guard against this unrelenting raid Are these reflections Really the best of what I can see? Too many questions Need some direction I just can’t follow me Prayin’ for a change of pace And better days to replace The rolling storm that came our way Put the whole word in its place When we’re free will we be the same? Chasin’ after dreams of yesterday Should we go the way we came? Looking back there’s nothing to gain Are these reflections Really the best of what I can see? Too many questions Need some direction I just can’t follow me
5.
She knows everyone’s birthday And the names of every child She loves sleeping on Sunday After catching up with Saturday night She keeps a bottle of champagne Ready to pop at any given time She’s a light that leans in a doorway Just to make sure they’re sleepin’ alright And I can’t sleep when she’s away Staring up at the spinning blades I was losing when she changed the game She looks like she did on the first day Headaches and heartaches once in a while She smiles like a kid on her birthday Still finds a way to keep me surprised
6.
Last night I dreamt about a guitar Lovely and lonesome on the back wall Played a few chords went back in time To the Old Folk City six string at my side Saw myself there lost in the sound Of guitars playin’ on their old stompin’ grounds A voice stitched together from whiskey and smoke And life on the highway runnin’ from home Take me back to the Old Folk City Let me bring my guitar with me Sing me that song about watching the rain Look for the storm headed your way Big wooden boxes worn and weathered Seen as much action as cowboy leather Sound like the sun showing its face After ten days of lightning chasing the rain Take me back to the Old Folk City Let me bring my guitar with me Sing me that song about watching the rain Look for the storm headed your way Wish I could hear it for the very first time Like I did when I was a child Wish I could relive those days Back before I was set in my ways These old guitars can’t be put away Can’t save a soul locked in a case Just like the roses need sunshine and rain Just like my children run through the day I never knew what I could feel Until I heard sitka and steel I take it with me wherever I go Six strings to keep me safe on the road Take me back to the Old Folk City Let me bring my guitar with me Sing me that song about watching the rain Look for the storm headed your way
7.
No Enemies 05:50
Seething white water spit salt in my eyes Rage of the waves caught us by surprise Five days in the cove on the F-49 Lasts just as long as a thousand lifetimes Five hundred yards at the ocean's command Ten foot tide gave orders to man We landed where lava transformed into sand Seawater stung the cuts on my hands The sun doesn't know a thing about this place No enemies in sight no fight here today The water collected pieces of war As bits of the barge swam into the shore I made a knife and went to explore The new world surrounding five men in a fort Found an old graveyard halfway in the earth Under the watch of red breasted birds And seven blue foxes on high alert They're all waiting for the light to return The sun doesn't know a thing about this place No enemies in sight no fight here today Two packs a day and eight games a night Pinups and pinochle with homemade rye Waited a year on a six month supply Tried not to use it in three months' time Forty-eight cards dog eared and torn Can't read their faces at all anymore I miss the scent of popcorn from home Willows in summer and slingshots and bows The sun doesn't know a thing about this place No enemies in sight no fight here today I gave up writing for 46 days Letters from home all came in May Daylight appeared for an overnight stay And quickly vanished into four weeks of rain Today I fired nine rounds in the sky To celebrate my birthday twenty years alive Wish that I had a girl with me tonight Instead of this battle without one fight The sun doesn't know a thing about this place No enemies in sight no fight here today
8.
I know it’s been a while since I’ve seen your face I can’t help but smile when I say your name I think of that night when the old band played The light in your eyes shinin’ like a stage But life ain’t always funny It’s strange Change is always coming your way Givin’ all the love you can Til’ you’re off somewhere dancing with the saints A madman laughing screaming at the storm Hard as the hammers beating time of war I prayed your pain would someday set you free I hoped you made it home where you should be But life ain’t always funny It’s strange Change is always coming your way Givin’ all the love you can Til’ you’re off somewhere dancing with the saints I woke up with a feeling that I was too late You went to see the band of angels play In the final hours new life born from pain Like the Savior’s flowers from tears carnations came But life ain’t always funny It’s strange Change is always coming your way Givin’ all the love you can Til’ you’re off somewhere dancing with the saints
9.
Mother 03:36
Mother bird turns inward with her beak Inner scourge she nurses tender wings Mother feeds and then she will rest Children drink the lifeblood from her breast Beautiful, wounded mother friend Does your charity ever end? Mother spirit so heavy, so strong As the City eternal ancient walls Mother sits with sinners and with thieves Tame the serpent the Servant will redeem Beautiful, wounded mother friend Wash our feet, bleed and rise again Mother sees her legions from the skies Does she teach them or lead them to sacrifice? Are your reasons for believing in decline? Is allegiance in season at this time? Beautiful, wounded mother friend Do you know a prayer’s true intent?
10.
My Victory 03:20
Felt like spears in my side when I heard The devil leapt from your tongue killing words I felt the ground pull me down Sinking in the sand A pain profound like thorns and crowns and nails And feet and hands But I’m still breathin’ Mama ain’t grievin’ And I believe in the Light Now I’m healin’ With love I’m feelin’ Nothin’ like being alive All the stories in your Book carry me Free of angst building strength and my family Can’t take from me the blood I bleed And the life in my lungs My victory I lived to see The light of another sun But I’m still breathin’ Mama ain’t grievin’ And I believe in the Light Now I’m healin’ With love I’m feelin’ Nothin’ like being alive
11.
Winding through the rocky slopes Watch the curves take 'em slow Only one more turn to go To County Road No. 4 Point a speaker toward the porch Turn it up a little more Watch the shadows changing form And dance across the mountain floor Heaven is a mountain home Where the wildflowers grow Painted by the afterglow In colors only mountains know Stardust hangin' in the air With our own quiet prayers To live without being scared Of turning dreams into dares Little cowboys from the past Faded summers beaten paths Lifetimes hiding behind glass Moments gone in a flash Heaven is a mountain home Where the wildflowers grow Painted by the afterglow In colors only mountains know Sun and snow, fire and rain Make their seasonal exchange When the letters rearrange Time to start another game Losing time in twilight Where the hummingbirds will hide Take a picture with your eyes So you can go there in your mind Heaven is a mountain home Where the wildflowers grow Painted by the afterglow In colors only mountains know
12.
Time 04:22
Time gets lost time is found Drifts away without a sound Time is gone time is now There’s not enough to go around It’s a band of thieves skippin’ town Summer rain runnin’ deep in the ground Someone you can’t live without It’s the sun comin’ up over mountain skies It’s sweet dreams and lullabies The last time you say goodbye Time don’t stop time don’t stay Run it down and it gets away Time stands still time escapes Time won’t wait for you to change It’s a band of thieves skippin’ town Summer rain runnin’ deep in the ground Someone you can’t live without It’s gettin’ knocked down and stayin’ tough Missin’ out and growin’ up Broken hearts fallin’ in love It’s a band of thieves skippin’ town Summer rain runnin’ deep in the ground Someone you can’t live without It’s the sun comin’ up over mountain skies It’s sweet dreams and lullabies The last time you say goodbye
13.
I fought in the battles and saw the victories Hiding on an island in the old Aleutian seas I was drawn into the war when I was 17 Wrote down all my stories for my family I was down at the square having such a time Saturday promenade drinkin’ country wine Dancin’ with the daisies fiddles keepin’ time Summer days so hazy we were in our prime We lost ourselves in revelry worked with our hands Young and strong and full of dreams we made our plans Down in Bourbon County where it’s drier than the sand I ran into a girl there with honey-colored hair I made her a promise and carved it in a tree Four little letters there where she took my ring We built a home where thicket bends around the stream Fell asleep while crickets blend their harmonies When the land did not provide I cast away my seeds Found a way to get my pay doing wicked deeds On that summer holiday three men by the creek I feared the day that I would pay for my sins and schemes They shot my lover instead of me I held her there Whispered my apologies and kissed her hair I walked the way again one day to where our home once stood And found that dedication there still chiseled in the wood I knelt right down beside her grave it was overgrown I pulled away the grass and weeds and I wept alone I laid down roses and slept the day underneath that tree I’ll ask you honey if I may, will you forgive me?
14.
I remember the day you slept through the night Playing in your dreams until the sunrise Living in a pattern of accelerating time Locking up your laughter forever in my mind You’ll win and lose, you will make mistakes You’ll make your plans and life will make them change Somewhere there’s a future waiting with your name You can be uncertain, you can be afraid And you can change your world It won’t happen overnight Remember that your dreams Sometimes need a little time Take that amazing leap Whenever you’re ready to fly Remember that your dreams Sometimes need a little time Our life was sweet at a table for two And it keeps getting better all because of you Nothing lasts forever, please enjoy the view Always choose love, always speak the truth And you can change your world It won’t happen overnight Remember that your dreams Sometimes need a little time Take that amazing leap Whenever you’re ready to fly Remember that your dreams Sometimes need a little time
15.
A big old dream once dear to me A sacred place where I could sleep And hear his voice come through the trees The ancient roots buried deep While he sleeps underneath A country home where the tall grass grows And the prairie rose cuts my feet I could pray alone and sing a song And wipe the dirt off my knees While he sleeps underneath There’s a cross in the rocks where the wildcat walks And the hunting hawk gets his wings It feels as cold as my father’s skin On the day that God took him in And now he rests where the highway bends Ashes dancing in the wind While he sleeps underneath

about

I wrote and recorded Non/fiction at home throughout 2020 and 2021 and then embellished the songs with the help of my friends Jerry Miller, Laura Paragano, and Ben Capoccia, a collaboration spanning Kansas City, St. Louis and California. These are my most personal and authentic songs. I call them love songs, albeit different kinds of love. These songs are full of people and events which are simultaneously real and imagined, but the the feelings — anxiety, fear, hope, redemption and joy — are all absolutely real.

credits

released April 12, 2022

Andrew Zender: vocals, guitar, harmonica, banjo
Jerry Miller: guitar, bass, synth, percussion
Laura Paragano: vocals
Ben Capoccia: guitar, effects, treated banjo, drums

Produced by Andrew Zender & Jerry Miller
Mixed by Jerry Miller
Mastered in LANDR
Art: original photograph by Andrew Zender

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Andrew Zender Kansas City, Missouri

Andrew Zender is an independent songwriter and guitarist based in Kansas City who writes and performs songs and instrumentals inspired by life, death, love, nature and short stories — with an air of hope and redemption.

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